A Strong Woman

Last night at Radio 1003, 文鸿 read a newspaper report (晚报) of how a woman stalked at Geylang to catch the woman her husband was cheating on her with. After 3 days, she finally found the woman and confronted the woman. She scared the woman off and got her husband back. 利美 was asking what's the use of the husband like this? She may psychically got back the husband but what about his heart? So 文鸿 asked listeners to call in to relate their similar story.

The first caller was a woman. She told her story as if it's a 3rd party. Even Wen Hong was surprised how calm and detached she is. This is her story:

The woman has been suspecting that the husband has been fooling around with their maid. But this maid had been with her for years and had been very reliable and trustworthy. So one day, she decided to test her suspicion. She pretended to go out to run an errand leaving the children, her husband and the maid at home. But she returned in less than 1/2 hour.

Quietly she opened the front door. Her children came to greet her. She asked her child where the maid was. The child said the maid was in daddy's room. She went straight to the room which wasn't locked and caught her husband and the maid having sex.

She related she had goosebumps all over her body and she started screaming. Her 2 children were really good. The elder one brought the younger one to their room to watch TV. They were 5 and 2. She was so mad at the maid for betraying her trust that she went to the kitchen to get the knife. The husband stopped her and told her not to blame the maid as it's all his fault. (WTF!!! That's the worst thing you can say to your wife I believe. Defending the other woman. ) That's when she started beating up the husband.

After she had calm down, she called all his family members, her family members, all his friends to come over to the house and exposed his deed. Then she chased him out of the house and filed for divorce. This happened 1 1/2 year ago.

She said if she had not seen them together, she may not have been this strong. But seeing them having sex in her bed, there is no way she can take it. Now she is happy single parent.

I think she is strong woman. Not a lot of woman can/will do what she had done. The woman's heart is so soft sometimes they will backed out on their plan to leave the husband. Anything empty promises made by the cheating husband would seems like genuine to some woman and thus, the cheating husband will continue to cheat.

However, there are cases where the husband really repent, they work out their relationship and continue to walk the journey as husband and wife. But I also wonder if the relationship is as good as before? Will the wife doubt the husband again? Will this cancer eventually eat up the wife?

I once saw in a forum where someone said that for a wife who decided to stay, to work on her marriage, she deserve a pat on her back because she didn't give up. But sometimes I wonder is it worth it? The sufferings, the suspicions, the ... whatever one goes through when they found out their husband cheated on them.

Why can't man stay faithful?
Why can't man stay commited to their wife?
Why does man seek sex outside when he can have it with his wife?
Why can't man control themselves?
Is sex so important to a man that he will even have it with the maid?

Lots of calls came in in regard to man caught having sex with their maid. Is this another problem that Singaporean has to face? Gosh!!!

A man called in and said that his sister-in-law's (his brother's wife) brother had an affair with her maid. Later her brother divorced the wife and marry the maid. Now her ex-maid is her sister-in-law.

Speaking Different Language

Mars and Venue in Love - John Gray, Ph.D.

Chapter 4:

Woman use language, just like me do, to make points and solve problems. however, they also use talking as a way of discovering what they want to say; and sometimes they talk about their feelings in order to sort things out, as a means toward eventually feeling better. At other times, women feel a need to share and express their feelings, simply as a mean to get closer, to experience greater intimacy.

Men don't instinctively understand these various approaches, because men tend to use language primarily as a way of making points. When men talks about problems, they are generally looking for solutions. A man mistakenly assumes that when a woman talks about her feelings and problems his role as listener is to efficiently assist her in feeling better by offering her solutions. Like a fireman in an emergency situation, he is impatient to gets the fire and put it out as quickly as possible. When she is upset, he wants to put out the fire of her feelings by giving solutions.

Learning to listen patiently - and not just passively - is a new skill for men. yet repeatedly men report hat keeping quiet and resisting the strong tendency to interrupt a woman with solutions has dramatically improved their relationships. Their partners are much happier and appreciative. Lucky is the man who discovers that satisfying a woman's need to communicate and be heard is the most important requirement in making relationships loving and harmonious. When a man is a good listener, a woman can repeatedly find the place in her heart that is capable of loving him and embracing him just the way he is.

Lesson learned: Listen. You don't have to find a solution for all the problem. The act of listening is more important than the solution.

Guess that's why lots of people say communication is the best remedy for all problems couples faced. If you learn to talk to each other with no hidden agenda, listen to each other, let it all out, don't bottle it inside, talk it all out, more marriage could be saved.

It's okay because it's for the family

A mother, T, was sharing that her husband bought a new car knowing that she disapprove of it. He brought her to see the car and she shared her disapproval to change their car. But few days later, he came home from work telling her he has bought that car.

She was fuming mad. So she was sharing it in our parenting forum.

One mom said "you are lucky he is spending it on the family and not on some other woman".

Other mom said " better for him to be spending on cars than drinking/gambling, or worse, women leh!!"

What the hell is that?
What if he is making this purchase to impress the other woman?
What if he is making this purchase to cover up for what he has been spending on the other woman?
Comments like this tick me off. Sometimes I feel that people make comments like this because they didn't experience it. When it happened to them, they will be singing a different tune.

Personally, I feel that T is mad not so much about the money they have to spend financing this new car. It's the act of purchasing the car knowing that she disapprove of it.

I would think that when a couple wants to make a purchase of this nature where the $$$ will be a huge sum, they should talk it over. They should weigh out the pros and cons, the needs and wants issue and come to a conclusion together if it's right to make the purchase. After all, you are a couple. You are suppose to make decision together right?

This is not like woman going out to spend on a $10,000 handbag. A car with a well-established brand can cost as much as a house in some countries. You don't go and make such purchase without telling your partner, do you? Of course if you are a millionaire and this little spending is just a drop in the ocean for you, that's a totally different story. However, for an average middle-income family, buying a car is a huge commitment, especially in a country like Singapore.

Won't Go Home Without You (Live)

By Maroon 5

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

refrain:
Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

refrain2:
It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that you made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remaind unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

refrain

refrain2 (2x)

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

refrain2

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you (3x)

My latest addiction.
Love this song.
The base, the drum.
Ecstasy.

Mother

M - O - T - H - E - R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell
"MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.

Howard Johnson (c. 1915)

Mum or mummy, mom or mommy, mam or mammy, mama and ma.
Maman in French, or mamma in Italian.
Amma or oma or ammi in south Asian cultures.

Whatever you call it, a mother is someone whose love goes beyond the skies. A mother is someone who will always have love for you, even when you set the carpet on fire. A mother is someone who will always support you when you need it. She will always protect you, guide you, forgive you. Some say God could not be everywhere, therefore he made mothers.

Is this the type of mother you have or you are?

I have a mother like that. Impartial to everyone of us. She treats and love us equally. That's why the 4 of us get along with each other so well and we are so close to each other. We are indeed very blessed to have a mother like her.


However, I have known some pretty out-of-this-world mothers.

No mother's love
I have seen people who did not ever get the love they needed from their mother.

My friend's A's mothers are still living but they have little or no dealings with one another. In fact, she quickly got married and moved as far away from her mother as possible. Even to the next state. And guess what is the reason? Because the mother is a person who favor boy to girl. [重男轻女] Think that girl is useless because utimately she will married into another family and become a member of her husband's family. Gosh!!! Is she living in Qing Dynasty?

But she is not the only mother like that. I have another secondary school friend, J. J's mother loves both her and her brother. However, hated her younger sister. Her hatred is so obvious that you would wonder if the child is not hers. If this sister wants to do anything, she has to make sure either J or her brother will participate or else there is no way she will be able to do it.

Example. She wanted to go to United States to study after 'O' level. The mother say NO! So she tried to get J, who was going to sit for her 'A' level to go. But she had to wait a year for J to finish her 'A' level. Once she reached USA, she is gone. Left home and never came back.



'Job finished after giving birth' Mother
Any woman can be a mother but it takes someone special to be called "Mom". Why do I say that? A relative is a perfect example. Let's call her Jane. Jane has 2 sons, 8 and 2. But she has never been a mom before. She was only the woman who carry her babies for 9 months, gave birth by ceasaran. Her job is done. Then the mother-in-law took over. She has never change a single diaper. Never made a bottle of milk. Never bath her babies. Never had to night feed. Never had to take care of her son's school work. Never had to do anything a mother had to do.

When her son went to the kindy, the teachers had never saw the mother before. One day, she had to go and pick up her son and the teacher refused to release the son to her because they don't know her.

But she was there. Playing with her babies and leave at the end of the day. She doesn't stay with the in-law.

The most common fallacy among women is that they believe that by having children it makes them a mother. This is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician.



'Give me! Give me!' Mother
Then there is another type of mother. Once the children are grown up, have a job, she starts to bleed her children dry.

She demands this and that. She expected to be paid for everything. Paid to help babysit the grandkids. All expenses paid annual holiday. Monthly allowance. Money, money, money. All she thinks about is $$$!!! She doesn't care that her children has family and commitment of their own. She only cares ME! ME! ME! She doesn't care that her selfishness is causing problem between her children and their spouses. And all this while she has $$$ hidden away somewhere. She is not some moneyless, jobless person. Doesn't she knows that money is not be-all and end-all?

I have personally seen a mother who ask her hungry child to eat later (the host ran out of food and waiting for a second round of food to be served in a buffet) because she herself is hungry and wants to eat first. Speechless? I always thought a mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. That's what I will do. Doesn't all mother?

That's all I can think of now. Too depressing. May continue to share weird mother of this world some other time.

I believe that being a mother is a life-long process. In fact, I’m not even half-way through it. But the best that I can do is to be committed in doing a good job as a mother. And I hope my relationship with my child will be like one that I have with my mother. Respect, admiration, loving and best of all a friend.

Singapore a whale?

That's how a local chinese newspaper draw Singapore to report weather forecast. Cool. Really interesting and creative.

Old Wives' Tales

A trip to the bookshop yesterday.
Got myself a locally written book:
Old Wives' Tales - Nicolette Yeo

Here are some old wives' tales for you to think about.

1. Black cats bring the dead back to life.
This tale transcends all races - Malay, Chinese and Indian.
It says, if a black cat jumps over an open coffin, the corpse will suddenly sit up and return to life. Transformed into a zombie, the 'living' corpse sets out to terrorize the living. It is not known hwy this applies only to black cats; regular non-black cats are not seen in such bad light.

One possibility is when a cat jumps across an open coffin, the action generates static which may actually be strong enough to cause a temporary reflex action in the corpse. But why black cat?


2. If you see a cricket in your house, someone is spying on you
This tale stems from the black magic that is said to be practised by bomohs. A bomoh is a Malay witch doctor whose brand of magic involves the use of everyday creatures, such as the cricket. Before the bomoh performs black magic on a person, he will send a cricket to spy on the person. This common insect becomes the bomoh's eyes and ears, and reports back everything that it sees and hears.


3. If a bird 'poos' on your head, you are very lucky.
Before you recoil in disgust, think for a minute. What are the odds of a bird defecating directly on your head when you are outdoors? The odds are slim, as your head is too small for a bird to aim at accurately. Hence, being the 'one in a million' recipient of a bird's waste makes you an extremely lucky person.


4. Moths carry the spirit of your ancestors.
Moths are believed to carry the spirits of ancestors or the spirit of a friend or family member who has just passed away. Regarded as carriers of the dead, moths are supposedly seen a few days after funerals. They are a conduit for the spirits of the departed to pay a last visit to the place they called home when they were alive. It is for this reason that we are often told not to disturb the moths we see in our homes.

When my maternal grandma passed years many, many years ago, I was getting ready for my PSLE. Thus, only my parents went back to Malaysia for her funeral. Me and my siblings stayed here and didn't attend the funeral. The night of the funeral, I saw a huge brownish-black moth in my dining room in Singapore. My windows are closed. I didn't think too much about it. The next morning, the moth was gone. However, what I found strange is that I found a piece of small squarish cloth in a corner of my dining room. This piece of cloth is usually wore by mourners to represent a death in the family. Now how did that piece of cloth get there? There shouldn't be any reason why any such kind of material be present in our house.

Things that get me go hmmm...

5. Goldfish and Luohan bring good luck.
Goldfish are not only aesthetically pleasing, they are regarded by the Chinese as lucky fish. To the Chinese, it's golden hue represents actual gold, which is symbolic of money.

Recently, luohan fish have become more popular than goldfish. Luohan is a discus fish adorned with various colored patterns on it's body, often in red, black and white. The more intense the colors are on a fish, the more 'lucky' the fish is deemed to be.

People had claimed that they can see numbers on the body of these luohan and they will use these number to go buy lottery ticket.

Hmm... {{speechless}}


6. Dogs and cats can see ghosts
A very popular belief in Southeast Asia is that cats and dogs possess what is known as the 'third eye'. This ability gives them them the power to see ghosts, ghouls and every paranormal nature. The animals are thought to have the gift as soon as they are born.

That's why when dogs bark for no apparent reason in the dead of the night, it means that they have seen an evil spirit and are barking at it.

Cat's glow-in-the-dark eyes give them this spirit-seeing ability too. When a cat is unnerved by a spirit it encounters in the home, it will dart about the house, knocking things down along the way.

On the other hand, the presence of ants in a place signifies that there are no supernatural beings around while their absence means the opposite.

Hmm... now, does that means if there are ants in the house, we shouldn't kill it? Gosh!!! PawPaw will go crazy!!! LOL!!!... Can I deduced that this theory is made up by lazy people who is trying to find an excuse not to clean the house when they see ants?


7. Rub your eyes with dog's saliva and you will see ghosts.
This is believed to be borned from the fertile minds of the old wives. As dogs are thought to have the gift of being able to see spirits and other worldly beings that roam the earth, it is believed that if you rub a little of a dog's saliva on your eyes, you would also acquire its ability to see spirits. But beware that this practice is irreversible!

However, I have heard from elders that for those who has the 3rd eyes, by rubbing the tears of the dog, this 'gift' will disappear.


8. Owls are bad omens
Owls are often depicted as wise and knowledgeable. That's why they say as wise as an owl. But to the Hindus, owl is a portent of evil and ill luck. It is seen as bad omen by virtue of the fact that it is partially blind, a characterisitc that carries a negative connotation. This makes owl undesirable creature to the Hindus.


9. Turtles bring bad luck
To the Hindus, keeping turtles in the house is said to bring bad luck to the people who live there.

However, to the Buddhists, they are regarded as sacred animals and would be treated with respect.

So ... how?


10. If a bird flies into a house, it will bring good luck to the occupants.