Who am I?

Every now and then I will ask myself "Who am I?"

On the surface, it's pretty easy to answer this question.

I was borned into a family who is neither poor, nor middle class, nor super rich. We are what you would classified as financially comfortable. This is because my father made a few good investments. Some may say we are rich because 1 have 5 uncles who are Datuks. However, you really can't said that either because I can't happily go out and happily buy myself a ferrari, or a high-end condominum in Orchard Road. We don't have a house in every major cities. We don't go holiday every chances we get. We can't retire. We still need to work. LOL.

Majority of my cousins worked in the family businesses. But there are another group of us who work for other people. 90% of us are no longer living in Malaysia where we were borned. We have all immigrated to England, USA, Singapore and Australia. And thus, we are never a close knitted family. We rarely meet. So my family is just my immediate family. That's my parents and my sibilings. We meet 2-3 times a year because we all stayed in different countries or cities.

My father is a rebel. He refused to comform to the norm. So when the Education system in Malaysia had a face lift in the late 80s, he packed us up and sent us to Singapore. I was 11 years old then.

11-16 - Lived and studied in Singapore
16-22 - Lived and studied in Hawaii, USA
22-28 - Lived and worked in Melbourne, Australia
28- now - back in Singapore

If you dig further in, I am a rebel like my father. I do not like things that's the norm. I do not care to follow everyone, follow the trend. I want to do me. I want to do thing that pleases me, that I like. And I usually do not like things that everyone like. I have to be different.

When all my cousins went to England after their 'O' level to continue their studies, I opted for Hawaii, USA. LOL.

I was the first in the family to quit my job when I had my son. I am still the only one in the family who is a SAHM. The rest of my female cousins are all superwomen with jobs in management level, either running their father's company or working in other establishement. Even my sister is a VP in some financial establishement.

Although I have the ability and capability to run a company which I had done before, I opted to laze around at home. I opted to have a carefree, stressless life.

After working for 5 years in the publishing industry, I am all stress out. My body was in ruined. My life was such a chaos. When there are convention, exhibition, I would be working in the office chasing after my desighers to meet deadlines. I can choose not to do so, but personally I feel that if I 'suffer' with them, they will work harder. And it has proven that my theory is right because 99% of my projects are delievered on time. However, that means that my life was all about work, work, and work. My longest track record was 48 hours of non-stop working. The designers get to go home and rest. I still have to go out to meet clients. And because I quarrel with the Admin boss, I was marked by him. Yes, I am fiery enough to scold my boss because he pushed one of my button the wrong way.

I still remembered that day. I think he nearly died of a heart attack. He has high blood pressure. Hahahaha! But it felt good because at that stage even until the day I resigned, I was untouchable. (Bragging mode: 6 months after I resigned, my boss called me to go back to work with more pay and a promotion.) I have the support of 3 other bosses. They needed me because the company major clients are all under my belt. My clients are the one who bring in the dough.

So you can say my son is my blessing. Because of him, I get to vegetate at home. I have no ambition right now. I do not want to be a superwoman. I want to be that "Little Woman" and let my hubby takes care of me.

Everyday my life revolves around my son. Hubby will send him to school. I will pick him up, go to all the enrichment classes that he has to attend. I also get to play my Neopet as and when I choose.

So how long am I going to be in this state? I don't know. I have volunteered in my son's school's parent support group and I get to work in the library once a week. I am going to start my quilt project again. I want to be able to continue to operate in this mode for a while.

So who am I? I don't know and I don't really care to find out. I am pretty content with whatever state I am in now. So I will just count my blessing and be thankful for what I have. All this is make possible because He Loves me, because I have His blessing. Thank you, Lord for loving me.

Can we ever go back?

I read something really logical from someone's blog. What she has written is too crude for me to put it here. So I will re-write it.

When you have sex, you can't go back just kissing
When you have kissed, you can'g go back to just holding hands
When you have held hands, you can't go back to just being friend

So when you divorced each other, can you go back to be friend?
The answer is of course NOT.